Humor Hut Archives

Humor Hut Archives

Ten Worst Cars of All Time with Testimonials!"

1st place - the Yugo

"I once test drove a Yugo, during which the radio fell out, the gear shift knob came off in my hand, and I saw daylight through the strip around the windshield."
"The Yugo's first stop after the showroom was the service department: 'Fill 'er up and replace the engine!'"
"Any time we made a right hand turn, we all had to lean to the right to prevent the driver's side rear tire from scraping against the wheel well."
"At least it had heated rear windows--so your hands would stay warm while you pushed."

2nd Place - Chevy Vega

"When the rear end went on my Vega, the Chevy dealer accused me of racing it. Racing who? My grandfather in his wheelchair?"
"As near as I could tell, the car was built from compressed rust.
"My Chevy Vega actually broke in half going over railroad tracks. The whole rear end came around slightly to the front, sort of like a dog wagging its tail."

3rd Place - Ford Pinto

"Dad had a baby-poop-orange Pinto the year that car thieves hit our street. Although a dozen cars were stolen in one night, ours was there the next morning, on a strangely empty block."
"Remember that great Pinto bumper sticker, 'Hit Me and We Blow Up Together?'"
"The car would do 75 mph in 2nd gear, shaking apart and sounding like a bat out of hell. In fourth gear, the top speed was 70 mph. What's wrong with this picture? You do the math."
"I took this car to a high-crime shopping mall and left it unlocked with the keys in the ignition. I came back several days later and, much to my disgust, it was still there."

4th Place - AMC Gremlin

"Calling it a pregnant roller skate would be kind."
"It was entirely possible to read a Russian novel during the pause between stepping on the gas and feeling any semblance of forward motion."
"The car had all the quality and safety of a cheap garden tractor."

5th Place - Chevy Chevette

"An engine surrounded by 4 pieces of drywall!"
"The Chevette just reeked of dinky-even the ad shouted that this was the dinky little car for you. The ad didn't show the car going anywhere fast... because it couldn't."
"Plywood floor, printed circuit 'wiring' and no redeeming qualities. It was a throw away, 'Saturday Night Special' from the word go."
"If I got on the Interstate without being run over, the car would creep towards 55. About an hour later, I'd reach it. Then, the shaking would begin."
"The big winter of 82-83 froze all the Chevettes in my town like dumb ducks on an icy lake."

6th Place - Renault LeCar

"I'm convinced that the body metal for this car was supplied by Reynold's Aluminum."
"Like any French restaurant in America, it was overpriced, noisy, moody, and would put you in mortal danger if you had an accident with anything larger than a croissant."
"Our Le Car couldn't climb a hill fully loaded, so the passengers had to get out and walk up."

7th Place - Dodge Aspen/Plymouth Volare

"This car began to rust while it was still in the showroom."
"The stalling problem was so bad that I had to take a clockwise route to work so I could make all right turns, and not risk stalling on a left turn in front of oncoming traffic."
"After the floor boards rusted out in the rear, they would fill up with water and freeze. I ended up putting soda crates on the floor in the back to keep people from falling under the car."
"The only useful purpose this car served was as the model for the car used in National Lampoon's Vacation."
"Owning a Volare was total ego death--the theme song, the vinyl Landau roof, the inability to pass another car on the highway."

8th Place - Cadillac Cimarron

"GM thought they could take a Chevy Cavalier, slap some Cadillac stuff on it, add an extra $5,000.00 and sell a bundle. Tragically enough, they pulled it off-for a while."
"Hands down, worst car for the money spent. Yugos were junk, but at least they were cheap. This heap had a Caddy price tag!"
"A stupid marketing ploy. Nothing more than a Chevrolet Cavalier, which Roger Smith gussied up and called a Cadillac."
"When we traded it in my wife was upset because we didn't keep it long enough for her to buy a gun and shoot it."

9th Place - Renault Dauphine

"Truly unencumbered by the engineering process."
"At the time, it cost about half the price of a Volkswagen... which was half the price of everything else. How could Renault do this? Simple. It had half as many parts."
"This car topped out at 45 mph. Since the minimum speed on the Florida Turnpike is 40, patrol cars would follow me, waiting for me to hit a hill so they could ticket me."
"From a historical perspective, it's a shame that the French spent their Marshall Plan dollars on automaking."
"A side impact by a bicycle totaled my Dauphine after only one year."

10th Place - VW Bus

"If everyone had to own one of these as a first car as I did, there would be no traffic jams anywhere. At least half of us would be so turned off by the experience of owning a car, that we would seek alternate means of transportation."
"There was no heat--unless, that is, the auxiliary gas heater caught fire."
"The flower stickers were the only things that held the car together."
"The bus had no heat, blew over in the wind and used the driver's legs as its first line of defense in an accident."
"It was a death trap on the highway-you could never go fast enough. The chances were good that you'd be hit from the rear."

--- Source: The Internet -- where else????

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