Circuit Rider's Letter Cache

Circuit Rider's Letter Cache!

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Music Title: Stormy Weather
CR's Letter Cache Index

A Selah Moment (stop and think about that!)

"O LORD, how long shall I cry, and You will not hear? even cry out to You, 'Violence!' And You will not save. Why do You show me iniquity, and cause me to see trouble? For plundering and violence are before me; there is strife, and contention arises. Therefore the law is powerless, and justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous; therefore perverse judgment proceeds."

Habakkuk 1:2-4

"Cry aloud, spare not; lift up your voice like a trumpet; tell My people their transgression, and the house of Jacob their sins."

Isaiah 58:1

"I did not sit in the assembly of the mockers, nor did I rejoice; I sat alone because of Your hand, for You have filled me with indignation."

Jeremiah 15:17

Hey, good to see you! You look like you are surviving fairly well at this point! This is the Circuit Rider's Letter Cache, a collection of some letters sent out to a number of individuals concerning controversial issues in our culture. As mentioned in another area of the Range, he does a lot of this. Later I will sort of introduce each one to you. It won't take you long to see why he sometimes gets massive flak by way of responses! Bear in mind also that this area is still under some construction. As you can see, Harry the Hammer is busy here. He is always at work somewhere on the Range. Eventually you will learn more about him, as we arrange for him to speak for himself. Just below Harry is a section where letters are listed. These are posted individually and will download faster. There will be additions to the list on a regular basis.

Once upon a time Bishop Joe A. Wilson of the Fort Worth Area of the UMC got a lot of publicity when he issued his protest against executions in the state of Texas. Below is a response to Bishop Wilson with a request for some clarification on his statements about the sacredness of human life. Full report of this can be seen at Bishop Wilson Urges Bush: Stop Executions!

March 10, 2000

Bishop Joe A. Wilson
Fort Worth Area
The United Methodist Church

Dear Bishop Wilson:

Recently you received extensive coverage regarding your plea to Gov. G. W. Bush to stop executions in Texas. Our W. Pa. Conference edition of the UM Reporter not only provided a lengthy article but large pictures of you, Gov. Bush, and Gov. Ryan of Illinois as well.

Your statements in presenting your case are most interesting and call for some clarification on your part as to where you draw the line concerning human life which you declare “…only God has created.”

Clarification please on the following:

1. You say, “Human life, which only God has created and has the right to end, is the primary issue. I believe that the use of the death penalty by the state will increase the acceptance of revenge in our society and will give official sanction to a climate of violence.”

Question: Do you believe God has created the life that is being formed in the womb and that aborting that life is an act of violence which also gives “official sanction to a climate of violence?”

2. It was noted that you maintain “…that any way one looks at it, the death-penalty system is wrong.”

Question: Would you also maintain that any way one looks at it the abortion-on-demand system now in place which destroys over 1 million unborn children “in the making” per year in the USA is wrong?

3. You say, “I believe life is sacred, created as a gift of God, and I cannot justify my right to take a life God has given – and destroy that which God has made.”

Question: Are you willing to say the same applies to abortion-on-demand? That is, that one cannot justify one’s right to take a life that God has given – and destroy that which God has made, or is in the process of making in the womb? Jeremiah 1:4,5 and Psalm 139 address this issue rather pointedly do they not?

4. You say, “It is wrong for me to destroy the future in which rehabilitation and conversion might occur.”

Question: Is it wrong for anyone to destroy the future of an unborn child and to do it in such a violent manner – the methods may vary a bit, but the results are always the same – mangled remains of an individual for whom God had a purpose on earth. But of course that special purpose in God’s plan will never come to pass! Why do we never hear any protesting about this from the bishops of the United Methodist Church? They have never ceased to talk about their “Initiative for Children” but how is it that the line has been clearly drawn at the entrance to the womb?

If you are willing, you can see the tragic reality of violence rarely protested by taking a couple of trips. I invite you to take a slow, concentrated look at page50.html and page49.html. These are titled United States Holocaust Gallery and Fighting for Your Life! respectively.

Your very thoughtful and prayerful consideration of the above will indeed be much appreciated. I shall look forward to equal coverage in the UM Reporter and United Methodist News Service of your protest of thousands of “executions” each week taking place in the womb throughout the USA! And since both the UMR and the UMNS claim to be balanced in their reporting of issues, I am sure we will see that report in print soon, will we not?

Still contending (John 15:16; Jeremiah 15:17; Jude 3,4)
Clayton D. Harriger
Elder in Full Connection, W. Pennsylvania Annual Conference, UMC
Web Site: Circuit Rider's Range at:

cc: Other UMC bishops, UM Reporter, UMNS, Good News Magazine, and selected individuals who are concerned.
Note: Message to Bishop Wilson being sent by email, FAX, and snail mail.

Do you think Bishop Wilson after checking out the links mentioned in the letter would also be willing to take a look at FETAL Organ Harvesting? After all, haven't the UMC bishops been saying a lot about their concern for children? Want to ask him about that? It's easy -- just send a note to Bishop Wilson, Central Texas Conf.! He'll be happy to hear from you Ooops! Check that -- Bishop Wilson has retired, but maybe the Central Texas Conference will forward any message on to him. Go ahead, make his day

CR came across some very interesting information that once again proves beyond doubt that powerful media people are more than a little two faced and hypocritical when it comes to the handling of "news" happenings around the country. The following letter has been sent to a number of media organizations.

Tuesday, November 23, 1999

Dear Editor:

On October 9, 1998 the Associated Press released a 400 word story which was headlined, “Openly gay student critically injured in Wyoming attack.” This was followed up the next day with a 700 word story of Matthew Shepard clinging to life after the brutal attack. Shepard died and major media outlets continued to express outrage along with President Clinton who stressed the need for “hate crime” legislation. Religious leaders followed suit, stressing the fact that God “loves ALL persons,” and the need to do something about these horrible “hate crimes.”

In the year following that tragedy the media gave high profile attention to the apprehension, trials, convictions, and sentencing of those guilty of Shepard’s beating and subsequent death. And the effort was pressed by President Clinton to define “hate crimes” through legislation and enact the same into law.

Just a few weeks ago 13-year-old Jesse Dirkhising of Prairie Grove, Arkansas was raped, tortured, and murdered by two homosexual “lovers.” However, there were no 400 or 700 word details given in the major media outlets, and no outrage expressed by President Clinton in whose home state this despicable act took place! Even religious leaders, some holding the rank of bishop, seem to be tongue tied on this one.

When pressed on why the silence about this, spokespersons for mainstream media organizations did a lot of fancy foot work ranging all the way from a slow soft shoe shuffle to a staccato tap dance as they found themselves confronted by their blatant hypocrisy and bias in the treatment of news happenings! It was topped off by White House spokesman, Joe Lockhart, who said, “I try to keep my media criticisms to myself.”

Anyone who has a bit of sensitivity as to what has been happening for a few years now is keenly aware of a militant agenda to force upon our society the acceptance of what is best termed as a same gender coupling lifestyle. The objective is to gain church sanctioned blessing for these “unions” and ultimately state sanctioned “marriage” between persons of the same gender!

Those at the helm of power and influence in the mainstream media will attempt to censor information of any event that will portray persons of the same gender lifestyle in a negative light. If Dirkhising had been a homosexual and the murderers “straight” persons, then it would have been a rerun of the Shepard episode all over again with even greater intensity!

Most pathetic is the fact that the majority of citizens accepts the hypocritical performance of the mainstream media with little protest and meekly go along as children following the proverbial Pied Piper!


Clayton D. Harriger
Methodist Pastor, Retired
Belsano PA

By the way, it was UMC Bishop Mary Ann Swenson who had much outrage to express over Matthew Shepard's beating and death, but seems her mouth has become paralyzed about speaking out concerning the brutal death of Jesse Dirkhising! See related article about being Selective in Condemning Violence! You can return here afterward.

And do you remember some time back how there was a furor in the mainstream media about China going into the "body parts" business to help finance its military apparatus? It was reported that China was systematically executing large numbers of healthy people for petty crimes and then harvesting their organs for sale on the black market around the world -- a graphic video was shown as part of the documentation! This is also noted in

Red Dragon Rising by Edward Timperlake & William C. Triplett II (Page 48)
1999 Regnery Publishing, Inc.

Again, a "two face" deal -- no reporting on the growing "business" in the United States dealing with human "parts!"

Ah, just click on the baby parts icon and see what happens!

The W. Pa. Conference InterLink published a letter from a female pastor of the conference who attempted to state the case for "pluralism" being the strength of United Methodism. Here is Circuit Rider's response ---

August 4, 1999


The widely accepted view that “pluralism is our strength” as articulated by a W. Pa. Conference pastor in the July 30 issue of InterLink is precisely why the United Methodist Church is in a “graveyard spiral,” to use a term recently applied to a highly publicized private plane crash.

The pastor laments what she perceived to be the “politics” and the division into camps with lines being drawn between “us” and “them.” Also dismay was expressed at the thought of the UMC possibly moving toward a tighter doctrinal stance.

Pluralism and diversity as revealed in Paul’s illustration of the human body in the Corinthian letter inform us as to how the health of the body is maintained. The different cells which make up a wide variety of components all function in harmony for the well being of the whole body. The lesson is clear and to the point reminding us that this is how it is with the church!

However, we are bluntly reminded constantly that malignant cells can appear in the human body and if they are not removed, they will destroy the body and death is the result. At this time it does not appear that there are any physicians who are willing to go to the defense of cancer cells and appeal that they should be tolerated in the name of “pluralism” and that this is simply a biological “suspension bridge” holding the cells with differing functions (viewpoints) in “tension!”

Corrupted theology (spiritual cancer cells) imported from the European continent beginning in the latter years of the 19th century has brought us to the point where now in the name of “pluralism” and “diversity” we are expected to accept a Bible that has been stripped of its supreme authority, and a God Who is amoral and accepting of human established moral standards including same gender coupling! Further, it is questionable whether this God is really able to perform miracles, to appear incarnate in human flesh, to provide atonement for the sins of the human race, to rise from the dead, eventually returning personally to this planet, ruling forever, and ultimately passing judgment on all persons, determining their eternal destiny which will be either heaven or hell! Such a God is permitted to exist only if He/She/It conforms to the perverted and twisted theology which is a product of unregenerate human imagination. The destructive impact of this spiritual malignancy has yet to be fully realized in the mainline denominations!

Certainly the name, United Methodist Church, is perhaps the greatest contradiction in terms in the English language today. But who is responsible for the contradiction – those whose faith and convictions are in agreement with principles and doctrines upon which the Methodist Church with a high view of Scripture was originally founded and in the earlier decades grew under the abundant blessing of God or those who have bought into the theological “junk” that has been circulating for the past century?

By the way, the Corinthians were also warned to look out for those who may preach a different “Jesus” and who were of different “spirit,” and sharing a different “gospel” than what they had heard from Paul!

Still contending (Jude 3 & 4)

Clayton D. Harriger
Elder in Full Connection,
Western Pennsylvania Annual Conference,
The United Methodist Church

Ah, a bit of a post script on this one. The editor of the InterLink sent a rather short and terse reply to the Circuit Rider that the letter would not be published, citing the fact that a lot of letters had been received in response to the pastor's letter on pluralism and all the other stuff she commented on. So, true to form, the Circuit Rider replied to that also.

You see, there seems to be a bit of obsession in the W. Pa. Annual Conference about being "politically correct" at all times and making triple sure that we are "inclusive" in all things. We double cross every "t" and put at least 4 dots over every "i" to be sure no one is slighted in this process. It makes for good photography in show casing the conference at the leadership level -- nevermind if there are DS's appointed who have very little experience in the local pastorate and in most all cases they have little or no experience in small church circuits -- that's where the men get separated from the boys and the women from the girls! And never mind if a DS is appointed who in previous pastorates has come up thousands of dollars short in apportionments, so long as the "inclusive" picture looks nice! It wouldn't be so bad if they kept their mouths shut about "keeping covenant" or didn't try to lay the old guilt trip on pastors and laity about "faithfulness" in paying apportionments! Ooops - check that inclusive thing -- we still don't have anyone with a wart on the nose in the upper eschelons yet -- oh well, maybe next year! One wonders who will be the one to collar Jesus and remind Him He was not politically correct and not very inclusive in the 1st Century in the selection of those 12! How dare He?????? He'd sure make a mighty poor UM would He not?

Which brings up another irritating question -- do you suppose God has His heaven organized like that? You know, so many of this kind and so many of that -- a precise formula so that He can brag on how "politically correct" and "inclusive" His heaven is??? Just thinking out loud!!!

August 23, 1999

Mr. X X, Editor
The InterLink
Western Pennsylvania Annual Conference

Dear Mr. X:

I received your letter indicating that the letter I had recently sent for publication would not be published.

I was fairly well convinced even as I wrote the letter and sent it out that it would not be published, but not for the reason you chose to cite.

First, the content of the letter deals with the unpleasant issue as to what at the root of United Methodism’s "problem." There is a reluctance to really face up to this situation which has been in the making for nearly a century.

Second, we have come to the point of so conforming in our modern social structure in order to be "inclusive" and "politically correct" that anything which may threaten that scenario is usually eliminated by whatever means is required to accomplish that end! It does not look good and certainly is not "politically correct" for a male pastor who is much older to publicly rebut a younger female pastor in our conference. If anything is desired, it is that the female be permitted to get on her soap box and expound whatever and the males are to keep their mouths shut, unless without objection or question they express a robust "Amen!"

I apologize for wasting your time by sending that letter originally. I should have listened to my “gut feeling” at that point. However, I will be posting it at my web site with explanation as to what it is about. Over time it will have exposure to many United Methodists as well as those of other religious groups far beyond the geographic boundaries of the Western Pennsylvania Annual Conference.

Still contending (Jude 3 & 4)

Clayton D. Harriger

Following the W. Pa. Annual Conference session CR sent a letter to his bishop, George Bashore. This was an "open" letter in that it was circulated among a number of persons. All CR wants to know is why there is this haunting silence in some critical areas. Want to guess what the response on this one has been?

June 22, 1999

Open Letter to Bishop George Bashore
Western Pennsylvania Annual Conference
The United Methodist Church

Dear Bishop Bashore:

I am writing for the purpose of commenting a bit on our recent annual conference and express some concerns which I believe to be of a legitimate nature.

First, there were a number of rich blessings which were experienced in a number of ways by those who were present. The Africa University Choir was certainly the highlight so far as I am concerned. Too bad we could not have had them share each day, but that was not possible. Surely a number of the laity and pastors were blessed in knowing that we had a part in helping to get Africa University established, and continue to be involved in its ongoing ministry of educating young Africans. As always, there is the never failing blessing of meeting friends whom you haven’t seen since the last conference and "catching up" over the past year. There is also the enriching experience of meeting and making new friends, often around a table of the superb food prepared by staff of the dining halls of Grove City College!

By being a member of Section 9, I was caught up in debate on one piece of legislation in particular that translated into ultimate acceptance of the same gender coupling lifestyle. At least 4 pastors signing that resolution are also signers of the infamous "Statement of Commitment" which in part states, "We publicly state that we will celebrate rites of union with all couples, regardless of gender, as part of the pastoral responsibilities consistent with the gospel and spirit of Jesus Christ, entrusted to us by The United Methodist Church." Links from my web site to the Affirmation & Cornet sites will verify those signatures.

Also disturbing was the fact that your emphasis on the initiative for children and all the related concerns for children with which hardly anyone would disagree came up short at a very critical point. Why do you draw the line at the entrance to the womb and remain silent on the violence that dismembers and tears apart on a daily basis over 4,000 unborn children whom God is forming for a high and holy purpose? Or have you bought into the majority accepted delusion that we are just getting rid of a piece of impersonal tissue referred to as a "fetus?"

You also in an intense moment got on the subject of guns and said something to the effect that we ought to do away with them. Your quote was in so many words, "Away with them…and that means western Pennsylvania…" Surely, you are not so naïve as to believe that guns are the problem in our culture which has been conditioned and programmed for violence for decades! If you want to use the "away with" theme, then balance it a bit and free yourself from a glaring inconsistency at this point. How about adding these:

Away with abortion clinics and those involved in the destruction of over 4,000 unborn children on an everyday basis – away with steel tools and tailor made vacuum cleaners that mangle those children!

Away with all beverage alcohol which is a major contributing factor in thousands upon thousands of violent deaths each year, including death by firearms – and contributing to beaten, bruised and battered individuals of all ages – and contributing to broken marriages, destroyed families, lost jobs, shortened life spans, and destroyed property!

Away with all forms of “entertainment” which feature themes of blood letting violence, sexual immorality in all its forms including same gender coupling, vulgarity, lying, dishonesty, stealing, etc. which literally program the young to reject basic Judeo/Christian values so critical for a sane, orderly, peaceful, and God-fearing society and its survival! This means taking on merchants of greed firmly entrenched in the TV, movie, music, video and computer game industries!

Away with the illegal drug trafficking, the pornography trafficking, and yes, I’ll even mention the gambling industry – all of which have taken a heavy toll on human life and left in their wake an indescribable amount of pain, suffering, and despair.

Now then, when you put all these together, you will have made a good beginning as to eliminating elements that pave the way to the decay and eventual destruction of a society! Perhaps the whip method as employed by Jesus in the temple 2,000 years ago would not be such a bad idea today, since a number of those people involved in the moral undermining of our nation would claim to be “God-fearing” persons!

Ah, a little confession as I close this letter – I am a bit biased, due to my owning a number of guns. In fact, if you were to see them, you would conclude I really have a mini arsenal! They range all the way from a small Beretta that shoots a 22 short, to .357 magnum revolvers, a 9mm semi automatic Browning pistol and a German Luger, to shotguns and rifles, including an assault rifle (Chinese version of the Russian AK – 47). I also possess a permit to carry the handguns concealed and loaded, if I desire, although I do not do so.

No one has ever been threatened by these and when I use them, they are used for target shooting. I quit hunting a few years ago, and even used one of the magnum revolvers in hunting deer. A lot of our preachers are into golf for relaxation. I enjoy target shooting -- even the assault rifle is enjoyable for me to fire at a target – paper, tin can, water filled milk carton or whatever.

And so you will perhaps understand a little bit as to why I react to suggestions that guns are the “problem” in our society and they should be eliminated, when in reality, the problem is much deeper and has been in the making for the past few decades. We are now seeing the bitter harvest coming to pass as a result of the rebel seed sown by our media culture over at least 2 generations. But we can trace an even more serious problem further back to the turn of the century with the importation of corrupt theology from the European continent. The chickens are finally coming home to roost!

Given the present kind of leadership we have at all levels in our present culture, can any one of us come up with a good solid reason as to why Almighty God should not bring immediate judgment upon us due to our lapse into idolatry, the brazen flaunting of His moral code, and the rejection of His Son as the only solution to this spiritually, morally, and ethically bankrupt condition in which we find ourselves? (See 2 Chron. 36:11 ff for a simple formula as to how a culture self destructs!).

Enclosed please find copy of letter on subject of gun legislation and our culture problem which is being sent to each U.S. senator by email AND by snail mail personally.

Still contending (Jude 3 & 4)

Clayton D. Harriger
Member in Full Connection, W. Pennsylvania Annual Conference

cc: W. Pennsylvania persons with email addresses, friends and relatives.
Encl: Letter to U.S. senators.

Just a comment to stir the pot a bit more by CR!
Here's another thought UM leadership doesn't want to entertain -- one could have problems sleeping peacefully with it! Remember that 20 million membership goal by Y2K about which there was a lot of hoopla years ago? Our membership would be at least a bit higher than it is now if we hadn't sanctioned the extermination of over 40 million unborn children over the last 28 years -- one cannot honestly deny that at least some of those 40 million would have become members of the UMC -- the oldest of these victims of the American Holocaust would be slightly past their mid 20's now and settling into their careers -- what contributions do you suppose they would have made, if they had been permitted to have been born? Well, those of you in UMC leadership, what do you say? Think about it as you lay your head on your pillow tonight! Sweet dreams

Well, he up and did it -- sent a letter by snail mail personally to each bishop in the United States -- took some doing, but he did it and enclosed some copies of other letters already sent! Ah, want to guess the response on this one too? Hee, hee, hee :-))

July 14, 1999

Bishop Whosoever
Wherever Area, The United Methodist Church

Dear Bishop Whosoever:

Enclosed please find copies of letters sent to Bishop George W. Bashore and to the United Methodist Reporter.

A basic issue raised in both letters is the question as to why there is such a strange haunting silence when it comes to the greatest crisis of violence which involves over a million victims each year! Why are our United Methodist leaders so silent about this? And our political leaders are equally silent as well! It seems that just about everyone is jumping on the "ban the gun" bandwagon with the misguided notion that guns are the primary reason for the violence in our society. While expressing great dismay over the lives that are lost to gun violence there is no indignation shown over the violence that tears apart and mangles over 1 million unborn children each year! The Bishops Initiative for Children and concern for the same clearly draws a line at the entrance to the womb! Does it not matter what happens to the unborn for whom God has a wonderful purpose? And as pointed out at my web site, out of the millions already destroyed, surely some of them would have become future members of the United Methodist Church, and who knows what contributions they would have made – that is, if they had been permitted to be born and live! Is it due to the fact that our "official" position on abortion which gives a green light to the practice that United Methodist leaders keep their lips sealed on the issue, or at most try to straddle the fence by saying, "It’s a complex issue!" What is so complex about a doctor (term used loosely) taking some stainless steel tools or a tailor made "vacuum cleaner" and tearing a child (whom God is in the process of forming) to pieces and destroying it? To at least a few of us, it seems to be a rather simple act that has resulted in no less than 38 million victims over the past 26 years! Ah, does the "toll" of victims from other forms of violence tally up that high? It is this "shedding of innocent blood" that will most certainly invoke the wrath of God more rapidly than any other single ingredient in our social pot of rebellion!

Further, it appears that the church is unwilling to really take on the power brokers in our media culture with a demand for full repentance so that there is a total turn around and a complete cessation of focus on vulgarity, immorality (fornication, adultery, and homosexuality), occultism, graphic displays of violence, and death! The combined outlets of television, movies, video and computer games, music, and the Internet offer persons of all ages a moral and spiritual diet that numbs the conscience while programming a person to quickly react violently to pressure situations. We are now harvesting the bitter fruits of at least 4 decades of sowing the aforementioned "seed!" With a ship wrecked value system now prominent in our culture we are fulfilling the truth of Isaiah’s statement, "Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!" (Isaiah 5:20).

Still contending (Jude 3 & 4)

Clayton D. Harriger
Elder in Full Connection,
Western Pennsylvania Annual Conference
Encl: Copies of letters to Bishop George Bashore and the United Methodist Reporter.

Say, by the way, are you up to facing the truth about gun control? Church leaders, editorial people, politicians (including a president with a Pinocchio nose) and influential people in our media culture are quoting all kind of "statistics" in order to try present a case for the elimination of guns -- if you dare, take a good hard look at 10 Myths about Gun Control! -- oh, oh -- some people, including UM bishops and editorial people are going to have to do some back peddling on this one! Information here makes one of the big wigs in Handgun Control, Inc. to be nothing less than a liar with his spouting of a "statistic" on numbers of children killed each year by handguns! And he, like so many others, seems to be quite tongue tied when it comes to the hundreds of thousands violently killed in the womb each year!

Parting Comment by CR, Himself :-)

OK, why do I take the time and expense to do all this writing to which the recipients will not pay much attention anyway, especially when a lot of them hold positions of power and authority? Well, ponder the Selah moment above for a bit, and then sift through early chapters of Jeremiah and Ezekiel and then throw in some Amos and others such as he and maybe you will get a hazy picture as to why I do this!

Too often it is too easy to grumble, whine, complain, gripe and all that stuff in the presence of a few friends about the way things are outside or inside the church and then go our merry way until the next time we have our belly aching session with whomever will lend us an ear! I have certainly done my share of this.

It's time for those who know Jesus Christ and who believe God's holiness is the minimal standard by which human conduct is measured to stand up and scream, protest, witness and warn in every possible way! Principle targets in this should be political and religious leaders, since they are the driving forces of influence in any culture!

All this needs to be undergirded by intense prayer and searching of God's holy Word -- Jesus' promise concerning the Holy Spirit and His guiding us into the truth, teaching us all things, etc. are all one REALLY needs!

And speaking of prayer, have you tried Psalm 141:5? How about that interesting phase, "Still my prayer is against the deeds of the wicked." There are a few of those around you know -- both inside and as outside the church! Want some suggestions for "targets?" Go to Pray against the deeds of the wicked!

Just a final question -- have you thought much lately about the possibility of God maybe bringing judgment on this nation? Ooooh - not pleasant is it?

Again, if you feel you must unload a bit, just click on Penelope, our letter eating toad, at the top of this area -- you saw her when you came in. She'll relay the message (or the buckshot, as the case may be!) to me.

The Profound Issue of the Light Bulb!

Now we can't have you leaving this area in a distressed frame of mind -- take a look at yet another issue of far lasting significance! The future of the human race certainly hangs on this one!

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: At least 10, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb traditions (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

NOTE: In order to protect him from loss of ministerial credentials and excommunication, I refuse to reveal my source on the above information. Hey, don't whine about that -- media people do this all the time! hee hee :-)

Carry me back to the top of the Cache!

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